The Ride

In March, 2010, my horse and I will head off alone to ride from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean. We are riding to show endurance, stamina, and possibility. My parents were divorced 4 years ago and it opened me up to a sadness and at the same time a gift that I never would have felt and received otherwise. My brother, sister, and I were given a beautiful childhood with loving parents, animals, and beautiful land surrounding us. It was never expected that one day I would get the call from my mom and dad telling me they were getting divorced. I screamed and cried and felt as if everything I loved had crumbled. To me, what was life without this family? I flew home that evening so I could be there when they told my little sister. She sat, still and tearless, and went upstairs to be alone where she tripped on a hair brush and broke down crying in her room. My brother and sister and I have always been close, but this formed an incredible connection between us. My brother was our rock-very stable and caring. He was for the entire family. All of us came together in different ways to listen and help. My sister is my soul, my light, and going through this with her was so painful, but at the same time the tears we cried together were like a glue that has bonded us in a way no hardship will ever break.

I didn't talk to my father for nearly a year. Not a word. I didn't understand and he couldn't explain. I have since grown to forgive him and have never forgotten the father he was and still is to us. It's very hard as a little girl who sees her dad as a shining, perfect example of a man to come to the reality that he is a human being with needs, feelings, goals, motives, and dreams that might actually stretch outside of strictly being a father. I know that we are his life, but at the same time, I also know now that there are other aspects of his life as well and that he has a childhood past to deal with that he lived before I even existed. In many of my songs I sing about my experience with the divorce. I go through periods of anger, sympathy, and forgiveness. At one point I didn't know if I would ever be able to talk to my father again, but today I can say that my dad is a wonderful man and I will forever be proud to say he is my father.

My mom. My mom...she is strength. She is power and weakness, laughter and tears. I have seen her go through every emotion and in the end she has watched her life change instantly, fallen over a cliff, and with chipped nails pulled her way out. She had children after all. Children that she has loved unconditionally for 30 years and she so terribly didn't want us to fall in with her. Of course, when children lose the stability of the family as they've known it for their whole lives, they fall. We were all down there in the dark for a while, but we have each other to help the other out. This is family-cracked, broken, no matter what happens-my dad, mom, sister, brother, and myself are forever a unit and will forever pick up the pieces to put it back together when life smashes against us.

My mother is now remarried to a wonderful man making my family even bigger. He has taught me how to work with leather and it is now hard to imagine not having him in our lives. My mom has a confidence she didn't have before and we all have a better understanding of the depth of despair that so many people in this world have gone through. We don't only sympathize anymore, but can truly empathize with the sadness of loss. When my mom was going through the divorce, she stayed with her brother who I believe to be one of the most uplifting, inspirational people to ever walk this earth. She never would have lived with him otherwise and spent such a (though excruciatingly painful) beautiful year with him in a small one bedroom apartment where he gave up his bedroom and slept on the floor for a solid year to assure her comfort during such a hard time. She also never would have truly understood the pain her sister went through during her divorce many years prior and appreciated the power her sister has when it comes to over coming hard times. I personally feel more connected with other women now. I admire their strengths and I have a better understanding of our insecurities as animals that are viewed as and expected to be beautiful, talented, and motherly (yet still looking young!). I have learned that it is important to live inside every second. It is very easy when things "go wrong" to look back and try to figure out what happened and to live in memories that seem better than anything that could possibly be happening now or in the future. I know it is very hip to say "live in the moment!", but when it comes down to it, live in the moment. There is so much life happening at every second and this is it. Here we are. Living.

This is what my horse and I are riding for. To remind us all that there is always good that can come out of bad. To me, there is nothing that matters more than the people in our lives. There is no tangible thing that compares to the importance of family. Whether it be the family we are born with or the family we make along the way, these are the people we live for and who live for us. Throughout history families have suffered and been ripped apart. Whether it be at the force of a corrupt Government, violence, or the inbred insecurities that drive some to look for the younger, faster, shinier things in life; forgetting the beauty and solidity of time.

What You Can Do

I hope to meet with as many people in as many different towns as possible along the way to talk about your personal experience with divorce. There comes a point when people say "move on, already...you've mourned long enough". Then we begin to suppress our feelings for fear that we have worn out the subject. The truth is, when family means everything, you will never just "get over it". You learn, you grow, you change, but I don't believe you necessarily get over it. The thing is, you have to accept that and concentrate more on what you have and the positive changes that have occurred from your tragedy. I want to give you a chance to talk about what you're going through and tell your story.

For those who are comfortable with this, I will record our conversations and keep journal entries of what we talked about. When the ride is completed I hope to have hundreds of different points of views, stories of recovery, endurance, and maybe a better understanding of why divorce has become so common.

Please email me with any questions or stories. When the ride begins, I will get to a computer whenever possible, but will also be in contact with my web designer to update where we are and what times we will be available to meet.

On another note, my horse and I would be extremely appreciative of a barn and some grain from time to time. We will be camping out a lot, but it would be nice to get in a hot shower and real meal when available!

We hope to meet you soon!

Love,
Linny

The ride and music can be followed through the "blog" section of this site where viewers can read journal entries, watch videos, hear music, check out pictures of Linny's leather creations and art, and correspond with Linny as she makes her way across America.